Ballade of a twenty-first birthday

(To a pupil, enquiring the price of a Tara Torc for her 21st,
while indicating she was getting a racehorse anyway)

I don't think I'm an optimist, do you?
I'm not the sort of girl who asks a lot,
My tastes are simple and my wants are few;
I mean, a twenty-first's not all that hot.
I know some Latin, so I say that Quot
Homines tot sententiae, well that's true,
Some long for presents—me, I'd rather not—
A racehorse and a Tara Torc will do.

One doesn't want to join the vulgar crew
Who long for mink and pearls and all that rot,
And cars and cheques and clothes by Dior too
(And anyway, they're all the things I've got)
I'm just a little hermit in a grot
Hoping for something straight out of the blue:
What sort of something? Oh, yes, I forgot—
A racehorse and a Tara Torc will do.

The Devil, I admit, must have his due,
It's no good being taken for a trot,
I'd rather give a sort of hint or clue
To indicate what I think should be what.
Perhaps I might persuade a canny Scot,
Or influence a rather wealthy Jew
By pointing out it's just my little plot—
A racehorse and a Tara Torc will do.

Prince! (Charming understood)—don't be a clot,
And if not prince, well, someone in Who's Who:
I've made it clear: deliver on the dot—
A racehorse and a Tara Torc will do.

‘early 1960s’

• Charles Thomas’ comments (letter 9-i-1998: his date for SP's poem): 'Early 1960s. I can't remember which girl this was, but she came from the south and her family were stinkingly rich. SP was in his room, MJ [Mary-Jane Mountain, archaeologist, at the time lecturer on the Palaeolithic] and I were in the room opposite. She came to see Stuart, then he came into our room and said X had asked for 3 days off to go home for her 21st. We said, fine. He said, you're not going to believe what her father is giving her. A thoroughbred racehorse . . . Then he went back in, and wrote this. I'm pretty sure the girl never saw a copy of it.'
• [Eds: at the time the story which circulated around the Department students was that the girl had actually asked SP how much 'one of those'—that is, a Tara Torc—would be to buy, and then, aside, dropped the racehorse comment.]
• Ian Ralston: For M-JM's perspective on the Edinburgh Department, see Jones 2018, 226